Human development from its earliest stages consists in an ongoing interaction with the environment. Infants quickly learn the lesson of cause and effect. Controlling the environment to secure desired results is a measure of successful adaptation. Indeed, this grounding in reality forms the basis of future sanity and mental health. For what is sanity other than the successful interaction with one’s environment both present and anticipated? The imposition of a false reality upon experience is the hallmark of mental illness. We can ignore reality, but it never ignores us.
Educational theorists over the last hundred or more years have stressed the importance of learning through direct experience. Bertrand Russell, in his book On Education: Especially in Early Childhood, made the statement that whenever possible a child should experience the direct consequences of his or her own actions. Obviously, this did not extend to exploring the family medicine cabinet or crawling across roadways, but Russell did give the example of allowing his son to eat too much ice cream and the resulting nausea that followed excessive self-indulgence. For Russell it was important wherever possible to learn through doing as opposed to learning by being told. This was part of a much wider issue that he advocated which was the development of independent thinking as opposed to simple compliance to authority.
There are of course not only natural consequences of action, but also artificial consequences imposed to direct behavior. Importantly, there are also consequences that are immediate with respect to our actions and those that are remote. There are also transparent consequences that are simple to recognized and anticipate and those opaque ones that are complex and sophisticated in terms of their implications.
Education might be said to be loosely divided into learning and training where learning could be said to be the acquisition of knowledge and training the acquisition of habits and abilities conducive to adaptability. Adaptability is the first principle of survival in whatever environment you choose to name. Survival is the engine of life. The quality of that survival for humans is a function of intelligence and self-regulation. Parenting and education in general under natural circumstances have this preparation as objectives.
All of this may seem to be a diversion into the abstract or even into the irrelevant. However, I would like to now bring the discussion to bear upon the educational system as it is and has been relative to these issues while at the same time touching upon corresponding issues with respect to parenting.
Systems of education have traditionally been full of artificial consequences intended to steer and direct behavior along desired paths. The resulting performance within that system was subject to comparative assessment i.e. comparison with respect to the performance of other students and comparison to a standard independent of the individual or group. The assessment was graded in accordance with a scale with a pass-fail division shading into degrees of passing and degrees of failure. Immediate negative consequences were put into place for failure involving the necessity of repeating a given subject or school year or the inability to advance. Secondary consequences might include humiliation with respect to peers, anger and disappointment from parents or personal feelings of unhappiness associated with consequences in both categories. Positive consequences involved the ability to advance, admiration and praise as well a sense of accomplishment and enhanced confidence.
When I attended school, failure in subjects one through eight would result in the need to repeat the entire grade. The prospect of this and the resulting humiliation with peers and response from parents was enough to make failure a very rare thing. It was not so much for love of learning but rather fear of the consequences of failure that evoked sufficient effort to meet at least the minimum standards set for us. In high school the failure of up to two courses meant that you could retake courses during the summer and subject to passing both be then advanced to the next grade. The failure of more than two courses meant that you would be compelled to repeat the entire grade while even the failure of one course taken during the summer had the same outcome. Once again, most of us engaged in a pleasure versus suffering calculus and put in enough effort to avoid these consequences. Through the economy of effort philosophy some of got caught attempting to not much exceed a passing grade and this found us losing half of our summer. Again, however, the consequences that we wanted to avoid provided the motivation to put in the required effort. For most of us the spontaneous interest in subjects was limited to only a few ‘favorite’ courses and teachers. We were constantly aware of our performance relative to other classmates and constantly engaged in rationalizations to explain the disparities. However, spontaneous love of learning was rarely a factor nor was there a belief in working any harder than was necessitated or deemed reasonable.
The underlying purpose behind this process was to redirect behavior within the framework of a competitive meritocracy. It was understood that in order to redirect or encourage certain behaviors a system of positive and negative reinforcement needed to be put not place. This environment culminated in the end of secondary school where post-secondary options were made available based upon competitive entry. It should be remembered that it was not so long ago that placement in preferred professions was the solely result of family wealth and standing not intelligence or ability. The introduction of a meritocracy could be seen to be a social reflection of the free market economy in which through competition the best product would emerge. As this was originally formulated, the cultivation of the best talent would benefit society at large by optimizing human potential.
In this sense it was understood that all men are not created equal . Clearly not all human beings are the same. Some are taller, stronger, smarter, better looking, healthier etc. Indeed, the very inequality of mankind is a fact of nature. The American constitution might start off by saying that all men are created equal but taken literally none of the signers believed in that. Clearly large portions of the population were excluded from consideration, including their own wives. Equality is a fiction held onto by the desperate and consistently denied by those in power or authority. At best the equality of our fellows is an aspirational value which in practice is rarely adhered to or practiced. We may all be equal in the eyes of God but even there he could be said to have strange ways of demonstrating it.
By eliminating failure in the elementary panel and by allowing different coding for the same grade level courses that obscure the fact that those credits are no longer at grade level the present system has eliminated most of the artificial consequences inherent in it and have instead been less able to contend with the natural consequences that result. As a result, many students are unaware of the consequences of their prior actions until near the end or the end of secondary school. At that point they find that the competition to pursue postsecondary dreams or ambitions has excluded them. The emotional impact of this and the resulting frustration, anger and disappointment offset any advantages seemingly gained by concealing these realities. It is as if you are encouraged to retain a belief in Santa Claus until you are suddenly released into a world of adults where such ideas have no place.
In attempting to protect students’ feelings, the system has provided little preparation for the disappointments and frustrations outside of the school environment that are unavoidable. Correspondingly, the same can be said of parenting methodologies that insist on insulating children from the consequences of their actions. Our police force may have the motto to serve and protect but that shouldn’t be the motto of good parenting. Rather, we should aim at providing a safe and secure environment while preparing our children for the vast and challenging stretch of adulthood that lies before them. It is easy to see how existing practices have contributed to an ever-increasing mental health crisis and why many young adults are being characterized as ‘snowflakes’ i.e. unique, complex and incapable of long-term survival. The womb was intended for the fetus and not the child.
The emotional experiences involved with failure, disappointment, shame and humiliation during childhood and adolescence are in their own way preparations for the unavoidable experience of the same emotions during adulthood. Developing the coping mechanisms and adjusting behaviors to avoid as many negative experiences as possible are essential components of the preparation required for the transition to adulthood. In a manner of speaking, it is akin to not exposing a child to viruses and bacteria such that their immune system is later incapable of defense. Fighting small infections strengthens the body’s responses for infections are ultimately unavoidable.
The inherent philosophies underlying both the current educational system as well as the current trends in parenting suffer from the same deficits and result in the same outcomes. In attempting to insulate our children from the negativity of life they make them less resilient and in the final outcome less able to find happiness and fulfillment. It is said that the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions. That may be true. Most certainly, however, it is an undeniable truth that good intentions do not necessarily result in positive outcomes. Being a good educator just as being a good parent consists more in giving children what they need than what they want. The attempt to make children happy is a lost cause in that people cannot be made happy by others but must be open to happiness themselves. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own happiness.
It is often assumed that perfect circumstances during their upbringing will produce perfect adults. Experience shows that it is the imperfections in our upbringing and childhood that help to form strong personalities and creative minds. It is also assumed that the imperfections and trials of our upbringing provide excuses for all the shortcomings of adulthood. Again, however, a closer examination shows that strength of character, will and determination transcend these experiences. There is an old adage about turning lemons into lemonade. What and who we are is ultimately our responsibility. The reasons that explain behavior do not necessarily constitute excuses, for we are after all the captain of our own ship and not a passenger.
It has become somewhat laughable to tell our children that it is a jungle out there as if we were taking some melodramatic delight in scaring them. Truth to tell, it is not only in terms of what life offers but also in terms of what it denies us; not only terms of how others behave towards us but also how we behave towards them; not only in terms the cards we are dealt but also the skill in which we play our hand that we need to gain a perspective on our lives. Life is hard and challenging and while none of us get through it alive, some have much better journeys than others.
There used to be an exercise to teach care and responsibility in which students were given raw eggs to carry around to see how long they could keep them from breaking. It is as if we now carry on the same exercise but hard boil the eggs have been substituted such that we go through the motions having eliminated the lesson.
The emotional drama that is individual human life is not a state of continuous happiness or contentment any more than it is one of continuous misery and suffering. Emotions are defined within experience by virtue of experiencing their opposites. It would be impossible to comprehend what happiness was if its opposite was not experienced. Arguably, neither can nor could exist without the other. Ultimately, what we need to teach our children and what is our ultimate responsibility is to teach them self-control and resiliency. Apparently, the majority of us are failing to do so and the costs both collectively as well as individually threaten to be staggering.